Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. -Joshua 1:9
Sometimes things don't turn out like I imagine. O.K. Frequently, things don't turn out like I imagine.
Seven Christmases ago, on the last day of school before the break, I thought 2:10 would never come. That year, my first year teaching, was likely the longest year of my life. Just making it to Christmas felt like an achievement. Every day was long. And they weren't easy. It took me awhile to get over what I thought "should be" and to embrace "what is". If you don't know what I mean by that, well...come visit me or something. At that time, not in the deepest recesses of my imagination, could I have thought there would become a pattern where all the days would flow into each other and Christmas break would just be a part of that flow. Who knew that while I was sitting in those moments thinking "What am I doing and why am I here?" that I would come to understand this is where I am supposed to be?
In six hours, it will be Christmas break. Those six hours will pass in the blink of an eye. In theory, this probably should be the hardest day in my teaching career. Things happen, as they sometimes do, and maybe I'm supposed to be scared. I am not afraid. Instead, I'm feeling this crazy kind of peace I don't know that I've ever felt before. Which makes me wonder...Can you really feel peace if you are not looking straight into the alternative? Is peace like grace? One of those words that sounds all pretty and good, but that is meaningless on it's intended level until it is realized?
Hmmm...peace while I sit behind a locked door and listen to kids talk about things I wish were not part of their realities. Peace when I drove in and counted the cops this morning. Peace while I look at their obvious attempts to make their weapons visible.
Yesterday, someone remarked "It's like being sent to war without a gun." (in reference to coming to work today). First, I will submit that person has no idea (in my estimation) anything related to the idea of personally going to war. Second, I will offer they have the opportunity to live a life that takes them nowhere alone. Even war.
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Taking a couple of days to be quiet and live in a less virtual world. Will be back...
P.S. I have no idea whose picture that is. It's not mine. I took it from the internet somewhere. Would give credit if I knew whose it is...just sayin'...in case someone feels like suing me or something. ;-)
