They all chose happy and explainable words like "joy" and "love" and "shine". I deliberated for a long while and could only come up with "be". Try explaining a word like that when you don't even know what it's supposed to mean, yourself. Besides...could I have chosen a more boring word?
My word for 2010 was "be". At the front end, I was happy. I was busy pretending (maybe) to be Pagan. I was content for the first time ever in my entire life and I probably assumed "be" was just a word to remind me to stay in that place. Because, that place was good. Who knew that place could become exponentially better? You can read about it here. Suffice it to say, that place became exponentially better.
At some point, I became aware of what "be" was supposed to mean:
“Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.” Psalm 46:10
And I was still. For a long while. (I'm not a "be still" kind of person.)
Last year, I searched and searched for a word. I tried to make words fit or seem right. It didn't work. The new year came and went without my word. A lot of stuff happened in those first months. I didn't sleep a lot. Actually, not at all, for while. If that sounds fun, be aware it wasn't. But...there was another side and I wouldn't give any of that back for anything. At the end of it, I got my word. "Wait". Hahaha...He made me wait for "wait". O.K...so it wasn't that funny. Ironic, maybe. On top of it, do you know how good I am at not waiting?
I would like to have decided "wait" was not for me. But, it's hard to do that when everywhere you go people are suddenly reading (or quoting) Psalm 27 (If you get past all that enemy attack stuff, there is a command to wait.). I don't mean I heard it a time or two. I mean every speaker I have listened to since has either read it to me or referenced it in some way.
And then there was this song that takes lyrics from Isaiah 40:31...it's not my story to tell, but I was there listening to her sing it and stuff happened. My whole house ultimately changed in a way I had been waiting for. There is no doubt, that word was for me.
As it turns out (and just to be real), waiting is much harder for me than being still. Much.
Tomorrow, I'll reveal the word for 2012. For two reasons (neither for the purpose of being dramatic)...1. I'm waiting on something in the mail. 2. I'm still making peace with it.
