Showing posts with label Following God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Following God. Show all posts
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Saturday, September 10, 2011
FUSE Camp
I never wrote about it. I was waiting patiently for words, but the right ones have not come.
2.5 months have passed. I've mentally composed this entry so many times and it's never good enough.
I have tons of pictures and none of them say what I want them to say.
Maybe some things are meant to be word-less.
All you are going to get is a tiny video clip and one picture from the night that's still too big for me to write about.
You should know these do not say anything about that night and yet they say everything.
2.5 months have passed. I've mentally composed this entry so many times and it's never good enough.
I have tons of pictures and none of them say what I want them to say.
Maybe some things are meant to be word-less.
All you are going to get is a tiny video clip and one picture from the night that's still too big for me to write about.
You should know these do not say anything about that night and yet they say everything.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Ezra 3
I was told to read Ezra 3 today, so I read it.
And then I said to myself...????
Later, I read it again.
It's about rebuilding the altar and temple. Or, perhaps (today, for me), just rebuilding.
I have to appreciate the organization of the Israelites. First, they rebuilt the altar in order to worship. Next, they celebrated the Feast of Tabernacles. (I suppose because it was the 7th month and that is what the law said to do during the 7th month. I'd have to research to see if there is further significance to this.) Next, they started offering all of their sacrifices and began keeping the law. Finally, they began rebuilding the temple.
They didn't just start rebuilding the temple all willy-nilly. They didn't even start with rebuilding a structure to live in. They ORGANIZED and they PRIORITIZED. Their first priority was an altar to worship God.
From the first half of this chapter, I am forced to look at the current state of my life.
Today was not perfect. I was unsettled. And then annoyed.
Even though I was at the table (showed up early, in fact), I could not eat and was left starving for the remainder of the day.
Why?
In this night, it occurs to me my priorities are not organized. (This is not a new realization, in fact, it's a frequent realization. I just can't seem to do anything about it.)
Ezra writes how worship led to obedience and obedience ultimately led to them being unified and able to work together.
God has been talking to me for an entire year about obedience. Probably, because obedience isn't my thing. I'm getting better at it, but still...
When I read this chapter the first time, I was somewhat certain (or maybe just hopeful) it wasn't yet another message about me being obedient.
I was wrong.
Worship leads to obedience. Have I even considered the relationship of one to the other? Has it even occurred to me more worship might bring more obedience? And if I was doing both, not just one or the other, perhaps disunity would not be holding my food captive?
Is worship my first priority or do I just try and fit it in amongst everything else that must get done? (No need to answer that for me, I already know the answer.)
The second half:
11 With praise and thanksgiving they sang to the LORD:
“He is good;
his love toward Israel endures forever.”
And all the people gave a great shout of praise to the LORD, because the foundation of the house of the LORD was laid. 12 But many of the older priests and Levites and family heads, who had seen the former temple, wept aloud when they saw the foundation of this temple being laid, while many others shouted for joy. 13 No one could distinguish the sound of the shouts of joy from the sound of weeping, because the people made so much noise. And the sound was heard far away.
The picture my mind forms here is a bunch of people making a bunch of noise.
If you know me, you know I'm not really into a whole lot of noise and chaos. Nor, am I that much into a whole lot of public emotion. So once again, I was all ?????? (What am I supposed to get from this?)
And then it hit me.
Here are these people doing God's work. Some are singing, some are shouting, some are crying... Some are celebrating the change, some are sorrowful of the past.
Is doing God's work any different today?
Did I not get fed today, because I was caught up in the differing emotions (including my own) of everyone around me doing God's work?
How ridiculous is it to think God's work should be emotionless and that everyone should carry the same passions at the same times? That everyone will (at the same time) rejoice over change?
For me (a person who resists change and one who also thought "being unified" was the starting point in a particular situation I'm struggling with), I now have what I was supposed to get from this. As E would say, it's (this second half) almost too big to grasp (and certainly too big to put into the right words now), but I understand it's application for me in this moment.
With everything I do comes some point when I make a mistake.
Sometimes, I can add a spice or pick up a dropped stitch to make it "good enough".
Sometimes, I just decide to throw the whole thing out and start over.
While "good enough" is nearly always easier and far less painful, there are times it will starve you to death if you let it.
And then I said to myself...????
Later, I read it again.
It's about rebuilding the altar and temple. Or, perhaps (today, for me), just rebuilding.
I have to appreciate the organization of the Israelites. First, they rebuilt the altar in order to worship. Next, they celebrated the Feast of Tabernacles. (I suppose because it was the 7th month and that is what the law said to do during the 7th month. I'd have to research to see if there is further significance to this.) Next, they started offering all of their sacrifices and began keeping the law. Finally, they began rebuilding the temple.
They didn't just start rebuilding the temple all willy-nilly. They didn't even start with rebuilding a structure to live in. They ORGANIZED and they PRIORITIZED. Their first priority was an altar to worship God.
From the first half of this chapter, I am forced to look at the current state of my life.
Today was not perfect. I was unsettled. And then annoyed.
Even though I was at the table (showed up early, in fact), I could not eat and was left starving for the remainder of the day.
Why?
In this night, it occurs to me my priorities are not organized. (This is not a new realization, in fact, it's a frequent realization. I just can't seem to do anything about it.)
Ezra writes how worship led to obedience and obedience ultimately led to them being unified and able to work together.
God has been talking to me for an entire year about obedience. Probably, because obedience isn't my thing. I'm getting better at it, but still...
When I read this chapter the first time, I was somewhat certain (or maybe just hopeful) it wasn't yet another message about me being obedient.
I was wrong.
Worship leads to obedience. Have I even considered the relationship of one to the other? Has it even occurred to me more worship might bring more obedience? And if I was doing both, not just one or the other, perhaps disunity would not be holding my food captive?
Is worship my first priority or do I just try and fit it in amongst everything else that must get done? (No need to answer that for me, I already know the answer.)
The second half:
11 With praise and thanksgiving they sang to the LORD:
“He is good;
his love toward Israel endures forever.”
And all the people gave a great shout of praise to the LORD, because the foundation of the house of the LORD was laid. 12 But many of the older priests and Levites and family heads, who had seen the former temple, wept aloud when they saw the foundation of this temple being laid, while many others shouted for joy. 13 No one could distinguish the sound of the shouts of joy from the sound of weeping, because the people made so much noise. And the sound was heard far away.
The picture my mind forms here is a bunch of people making a bunch of noise.
If you know me, you know I'm not really into a whole lot of noise and chaos. Nor, am I that much into a whole lot of public emotion. So once again, I was all ?????? (What am I supposed to get from this?)
And then it hit me.
Here are these people doing God's work. Some are singing, some are shouting, some are crying... Some are celebrating the change, some are sorrowful of the past.
Is doing God's work any different today?
Did I not get fed today, because I was caught up in the differing emotions (including my own) of everyone around me doing God's work?
How ridiculous is it to think God's work should be emotionless and that everyone should carry the same passions at the same times? That everyone will (at the same time) rejoice over change?
For me (a person who resists change and one who also thought "being unified" was the starting point in a particular situation I'm struggling with), I now have what I was supposed to get from this. As E would say, it's (this second half) almost too big to grasp (and certainly too big to put into the right words now), but I understand it's application for me in this moment.
With everything I do comes some point when I make a mistake.
Sometimes, I can add a spice or pick up a dropped stitch to make it "good enough".
Sometimes, I just decide to throw the whole thing out and start over.
While "good enough" is nearly always easier and far less painful, there are times it will starve you to death if you let it.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Anniversary
Before I get serious...who knew how fun it would be to bring the chickens into the house and try to get them to pose for portraits? Hahaha...if you haven't started wondering about me, surely this is the red flag you needed, right?
Now, I'm going to be serious.
A year and a week ago, I went back to church (After a long break due to issues too complicated for this space, basically because I wasn't interested in paying the price.) This church. I wasn't going for any other reason than for my girl to be in a youth group...so she'd have activities that are supervised or whatever. I was just going to wait out my time there while that happened.
I had quit believing in God. Maybe. It's convenient to not believe in God when you are running from Him. Or easier?
God let me just be there the first week. It was nice. She wasn't quite feeling it, but I thought it was nice. I told her to give it a second try...because, well, I had already decided she was going to be a part of that youth group. (Sometimes I wonder about me.)
Week #2 (a year ago today)...God totally mowed me over with His presence. Ran me over like a train. I didn't feel rebuked or judged or anything negative (even though that is what I deserved), all I felt was God completely surrounding me and not letting me go.
And that was the beginning of this love affair that has taken over my life, my family, my house.
It's crazy.
I never would have called it.
I can't imagine anything else.
My life is changed. In so many ways.
He put people on my life. A crazy mix of people who seemingly have nothing in common...except Jesus. And I love them. D (my princess friend), E (who is starting college tomorow), N (How do I describe N?), R (Ha...my partner in what some would like to make a crime), M (who thinks I should talk in the mic...ummm...that's why I have a blog?)...so many more and I love all of them. A year and a week ago? I didn't have time for real, live people. And now? Sigh...I probably need them. (Last year's self would be disgusted by that admission.)
Notes from today's sermon:
Ezekiel 18:3
Jeremiah 31
-"If you don't have what you want, you either didn't want it bad enough or you haggled over the price."-Pastor Jerry
- Through knowledge, the righteous escape
- Don't forget who I am. I am His. Pay attention to what I do, what I see, what I think and anything I let into my sphere of reality. I am His.
- I am not my sin.
Now, I'm going to be serious.
A year and a week ago, I went back to church (
I had quit believing in God. Maybe. It's convenient to not believe in God when you are running from Him. Or easier?
God let me just be there the first week. It was nice. She wasn't quite feeling it, but I thought it was nice. I told her to give it a second try...because, well, I had already decided she was going to be a part of that youth group. (Sometimes I wonder about me.)
Week #2 (a year ago today)...God totally mowed me over with His presence. Ran me over like a train. I didn't feel rebuked or judged or anything negative (even though that is what I deserved), all I felt was God completely surrounding me and not letting me go.
And that was the beginning of this love affair that has taken over my life, my family, my house.
It's crazy.
I never would have called it.
I can't imagine anything else.
My life is changed. In so many ways.
He put people on my life. A crazy mix of people who seemingly have nothing in common...except Jesus. And I love them. D (my princess friend), E (who is starting college tomorow), N (How do I describe N?), R (Ha...my partner in what some would like to make a crime), M (who thinks I should talk in the mic...ummm...that's why I have a blog?)...so many more and I love all of them. A year and a week ago? I didn't have time for real, live people. And now? Sigh...I probably need them. (Last year's self would be disgusted by that admission.)
Notes from today's sermon:
Ezekiel 18:3
Jeremiah 31
-"If you don't have what you want, you either didn't want it bad enough or you haggled over the price."-Pastor Jerry
- Through knowledge, the righteous escape
- Don't forget who I am. I am His. Pay attention to what I do, what I see, what I think and anything I let into my sphere of reality. I am His.
- I am not my sin.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Nehemiah- Simple Lessons
(Very simplistic...to save me from having to write a whole commentary. If you are interested in knowing all the circumstances, go read it. If you read it, start with Genesis, otherwise it isn't going to make as much sense as it could make.)
I hadn't read this book in a long time. When I've read it, I can assure you I didn't take much from it. Maybe I've never read it. I don't know. (This is the part of the story where I must confess I might have cheated in my required reading and perhaps just made up some stuff for my required writing at that Baptist University I attended. In hindsight, I doubt that went undetected.)
I hadn't planned to read Nehemiah this week. But, "hop-scotch Bible reading" led me smack in the middle and I was so consumed with needing to know what that was all about, I ended up going back and reading its entirety.
The part that sucked me in? The realization Nehemiah didn't just sit around after he prayed for Jerusalem. He put some action along with it. He went and helped rebuild the walls. He didn't do this without God, he sought guidance. But, the part that strikes me is he didn't lay around on his OT era couch waiting for those walls to rebuild themselves.
I'm an action kind of person. If I'm going to be involved with something, I just want to make a plan and get it done. Maybe a year ago (definitely a year ago), this is how I ran my whole life: See it. Think about it. Make a plan. Do it. Be done with it. (Note the absence of God.)
And then I decided I was going to follow Jesus. For real. Not just go through the motions of it-like I've done in the past. But, for real. The problem with following (always) is it is impossible to follow if one is going to refuse to obey.
Obedience has been a lifelong issue for me. Obedience is hard. Somewhere in there, I went to the other end of the spectrum (in the name of obedience and too much awareness my plans were MY PLANS) and just said "God will take care of it." while I laid on my post NT era couch and put forth no action. Hmmm...
After everything gets restored, what do they do next? They take out the law of Moses and read it. It seems the people may not have been all that up on what was in the law. But what happened? The people did what the law said. There was revival. The people promised to separate themselves from anything unclean and/or against God. Is this not easily applicable to what is required today?
I'm really loving that I read this book. Of course, the timing is perfect. (My "New Year" starts in August/September instead of January.) I've spent the last week listening to God speak to me so softly about what I'm supposed to do in this (seemingly) impossible place He as put me; a place I love and a place I know I'm supposed to be, but a difficult place nonetheless.
This is not just some nice story about some guy and his commitment to build up some walls. It's a story that provides a model for being a servant led by God. It's also a story (even though I didn't talk about it) about attacks from our enemies (Satan, the world, our old natures) and promises of truth, peace, righteousness, faith and salvation.
Yeah...you should read it. It's just that good.
I hadn't read this book in a long time. When I've read it, I can assure you I didn't take much from it. Maybe I've never read it. I don't know. (This is the part of the story where I must confess I might have cheated in my required reading and perhaps just made up some stuff for my required writing at that Baptist University I attended. In hindsight, I doubt that went undetected.)
I hadn't planned to read Nehemiah this week. But, "hop-scotch Bible reading" led me smack in the middle and I was so consumed with needing to know what that was all about, I ended up going back and reading its entirety.
The part that sucked me in? The realization Nehemiah didn't just sit around after he prayed for Jerusalem. He put some action along with it. He went and helped rebuild the walls. He didn't do this without God, he sought guidance. But, the part that strikes me is he didn't lay around on his OT era couch waiting for those walls to rebuild themselves.
I'm an action kind of person. If I'm going to be involved with something, I just want to make a plan and get it done. Maybe a year ago (definitely a year ago), this is how I ran my whole life: See it. Think about it. Make a plan. Do it. Be done with it. (Note the absence of God.)
And then I decided I was going to follow Jesus. For real. Not just go through the motions of it-like I've done in the past. But, for real. The problem with following (always) is it is impossible to follow if one is going to refuse to obey.
Obedience has been a lifelong issue for me. Obedience is hard. Somewhere in there, I went to the other end of the spectrum (in the name of obedience and too much awareness my plans were MY PLANS) and just said "God will take care of it." while I laid on my post NT era couch and put forth no action. Hmmm...
After everything gets restored, what do they do next? They take out the law of Moses and read it. It seems the people may not have been all that up on what was in the law. But what happened? The people did what the law said. There was revival. The people promised to separate themselves from anything unclean and/or against God. Is this not easily applicable to what is required today?
I'm really loving that I read this book. Of course, the timing is perfect. (My "New Year" starts in August/September instead of January.) I've spent the last week listening to God speak to me so softly about what I'm supposed to do in this (seemingly) impossible place He as put me; a place I love and a place I know I'm supposed to be, but a difficult place nonetheless.
This is not just some nice story about some guy and his commitment to build up some walls. It's a story that provides a model for being a servant led by God. It's also a story (even though I didn't talk about it) about attacks from our enemies (Satan, the world, our old natures) and promises of truth, peace, righteousness, faith and salvation.
Yeah...you should read it. It's just that good.
Monday, August 15, 2011
The Son Spot-Part 2
Sand Sculpture Building
At the beginning of the week, we made repairs.
At the end of the week, the sculptor decided he would make a new one to replace an existing one damaged by time/weather/etc...
(I was off getting tattoo'd with henna and missed the first steps. So, the beginning is all hearsay.)
Step 1-Take of the crust of the old sculpture and use it to form the foundation for the new sculpture.
You are going to need some water.
Step 2: Dig a lot of sand for a long time.
Step 3: Spray it all with a constant mist of water while the diggers arrange and shape the mound to get it ready for sculpting.
Step 4: Sit back and watch.
At the beginning of the week, we made repairs.
At the end of the week, the sculptor decided he would make a new one to replace an existing one damaged by time/weather/etc...
(I was off getting tattoo'd with henna and missed the first steps. So, the beginning is all hearsay.)
Step 1-Take of the crust of the old sculpture and use it to form the foundation for the new sculpture.
You are going to need some water.
Step 2: Dig a lot of sand for a long time.
Step 3: Spray it all with a constant mist of water while the diggers arrange and shape the mound to get it ready for sculpting.
Step 4: Sit back and watch.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
The Son Spot-Part 1
All truth:
1. I did not want to go. I was loud about it. I stalled us. I whined and complained and at the last minute made us waste some time at Wal-Mart to avoid having to be there. I really did not want to go.
2. I was not really all that open to getting anything from the experience. God had already done amazing things in my life this summer (at FUSE Camp which I never blogged about, because I'm still processing all of that) and I didn't think I needed anything else.
3. I'm a little immature and presumptuous?
4. I don't like the beach and that includes sand, water, heat, noise, chaos, etc... Yeah, I'm really not a beach person.
5. I spent about 30 hours of not wanting to be there. And then God changed me.
6. Incredible stuff happened. Unlike FUSE Camp, where God was speaking to me very loudly (figuratively) and plainly, He was very quiet with me in (loud and chaotic) Ocean City. At FUSE Camp I was given gifts I could identify and describe. At Son Spot, I was given much, but can't find words to be able to tell you anything about it. How awesome is it that I can't qualify what I was given and yet I know those gifts are no fewer or less valuable than what I was given at FUSE Camp? How ridiculous was I to think I had already been given what I needed at FUSE Camp and therefore didn't need anything more? Sometimes I wonder about me.
7. I'm home now. I'm thinking about what I'd be doing at this exact moment in time if I was still there. We'd be out on the boardwalk, talking to people, praying for people and watching God move. For all the complaining I did about having to go there, that is where I want to be now.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Wakey Wakey
I am expectant. I have been waiting for today for awhile. It's going to be awesome.
(I hope Diane doesn't mind I'm using her photos.)
(I hope Diane doesn't mind I'm using her photos.)
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Because He Lives...
There was a change of plans...we all wore (bought from the store) black/white.
Of course it isn't about the baskets or eggs or rabbits or clothes...for the first Easter in many, we've all been in church. (Is it possible I have not been to church on Easter in 7-8 years? That's crazy.) God has wrecked our house this year.
Night has fallen and the only sound is Ryan humming "Because He Lives" as he puts away the groceries. That's really all I have to say at the end of this perfect Easter.
Of course it isn't about the baskets or eggs or rabbits or clothes...for the first Easter in many, we've all been in church. (Is it possible I have not been to church on Easter in 7-8 years? That's crazy.) God has wrecked our house this year.
Night has fallen and the only sound is Ryan humming "Because He Lives" as he puts away the groceries. That's really all I have to say at the end of this perfect Easter.
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